It was lovely to bump into an ex-colleague of mine today who asked me why she hasn’t seen one of my blogs for a while. She said she missed them – and hoped that this would inspire me to get back to blogging again.
And it did.
The problem has been head-space. First I got sick, then my mother was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, and I just did not feel in the right frame of mind to share. The one blog I wrote was censored by my diplomatic husband – and that kind of put a damper on my writing for a while.
The subject I have decided to explore here is one that has arisen frequently over the last couple of months – that of whom one should invite to what. Many of my friends are having big birthdays this year (as in marking the beginning of a new decade), there have been friends’ children’s 21sts, farewells, weddings and even funerals.
For major events there seems to be a different criteria with regards to who should make the guest list, compared to that of a more low-key celebration – like when you turn 28 or 43. If you are turning 30, 40 or 50 – who should be there?
Big families make it difficult to invite many friends without bankrupting the birthday boy or girl – but in some ways that makes it easier. Just a few really select, close friends are invited – those who almost count as family anyway.
Small families mean that you may want to invite a few more friends to make the occasion suitably festive. Herein lies the nub of the issue – how far open do you want to pry that can of worms? Someone I know suggested that you should only invite people who would come to your funeral.
On reflection, people who work with you would probably come to your funeral – but that doesn’t necessarily make them friends. What about people whose house you’ve been invited to (how recently?), or people whose cell numbers you have saved on your phone? Or do you weed out the ‘not necessary to invites’ by identifying which of those people you would call at 3am if you were stuck?
Once you start with x – someone you like, someone you’ve kept some kind of contact with since you last worked together, then you have to invite y and z … then there’s a, b and even c (who you don’t really like and would never phone – not even if you were stuck outside their house – not that you would know it was their house, since you’ve never been invited there). After all, we were all in the same department. Or all went to the same class at college, or we all attended that wonderful quilting bee together. It would be impossible to leave out just b and y (the ones who make you want to eat your own underpants as entertainment) … so wouldn’t it be easier not to invite x in the first place?
Do you decide on the ideal number of guests for your party and then add people to the list until you reach the perfect quantity (and then start cutting and substituting when you remember closer friends that you left off by mistake – or Aunty Fanny who you simply would not be forgiven for not inviting)? Or do you just write down everyone you can remember, then work out if your budget and venue can accommodate them? Or if the list looks a little on the thin side, do you need to bulk it up with some second-grade choices (like a, b and c – whose house you hope you never get invited to)?
Hang on … was I a second-grade bulk-up invite to that last party? Or did I get on the A-grade, number 1 list right up front, and survive all necessary cullings and substitutions?
Hmmmm – I think we all know deep down which list we were on. And that makes the creation of your own list simple. Only invite the A-grade, number 1 friends. Leave off the rest. Don’t cut down the original list ever – they are the people you want to share your special moments with – and the people who would want to share them with you.
September 1, 2011 at 10:32 am |
Oh, yes! I do so understand this!