‘I want to kill myself’

Yesterday I got a call from a nursing sister at the Retirement Village my mother resides in … apparently my mother had written a letter to the long-suffering handyman who services the units there about the rattle in her roof (which he has investigated six times, and my husband has looked at twice) … but this time she topped it off with a threat to kill herself.

Understandably they were concerned, and had already contacted her Doctor and Psychiatrist.

There was a strained pause in the conversation when I chuckled at this news. This is something that I have lived with my whole life. Every time my mother finds her desires thwarted in any way, a tantrum is visited upon those not bending to her will … and the final thrust, if the required results are not forthcoming, is a threat of suicide.

I calmed the Sister down, phoned the Doctor and emailed the shrink. No need to panic. No action required. My mother is way too narcissistic to ever harm herself purposefully. When I called her to tell her not to write messages like this again, she ever so innocently informed me that it was merely ‘an expression’ – and that of course, her religion would prevent her from ever committing such an act. I explained that other people did not view such “expressions” in the same light, and that it was not a good idea to do this again.
I am sure this will make no difference whatsoever – they will just have to get used to her histrionics, like I have.

One of my mother’s more memorable assaults was when she used this cruel method of manipulation on my daughter who was only 16 at the time, and visiting her grandparents – some 700km away from me. Apparently they had had a disagreement about what to watch on TV, which resulted in the grandmother stomping off in a huff, and the daughter disappearing in damp misery to her room. About ten minutes later my mother arrived in my daughter’s bedroom to tell her that due to my daughter’s actions, she had taken my father’s gun out of the safe and wanted to shoot herself. Not exactly the kind of loving and protective interaction one dreams of with one’s grandparents.

Suicide is something we have all thought about at some stage. How to do it, who we think would find us, what reaction we think we would evoke. However, threatening to commit suicide is not something that should be taken lightly. Cry ‘wolf’ too often and people will stop taking notice. My mother has cried wolf, tiger, lion and a host of other predators … now I simply shrug and ignore her – or in moments of anger, invite her to get on with it …

I wonder how I would react if she actually did?

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